When Equality is Confused with Oppression: Understanding the Reluctance of Men to Embrace Feminism

The Feminist Movement: A Brief Overview

The feminist movement, a global campaign for the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes, has been a transformative force for over a century. Originating in the late 19th and early 20th centuries with the suffragette movement, feminism has evolved through various waves, each addressing different facets of gender inequality. The first wave focused on legal issues, primarily women's suffrage. The second wave, spanning the 1960s to the 1980s, tackled a broader range of issues including workplace discrimination, reproductive rights, and educational inequalities. The third wave, emerging in the 1990s, emphasised individualism and diversity, challenging the universal definitions of femininity and addressing intersectionality. Today, feminism is in its fourth wave, characterised by a focus on empowerment, social media activism, and combating sexual harassment and violence. Despite significant progress, the journey towards true gender equality is far from complete. Women still face substantial disparities in pay, representation in leadership roles, and experience widespread violence and discrimination. These persistent issues highlight the ongoing relevance and necessity of the feminist movement.

One crucial aspect of achieving gender equality is the involvement of male allies. Men's support and participation as the other half of the global population, is essential in dismantling patriarchal systems and creating a more inclusive society. Male allies can use their positions of influence to advocate for policies and practices that promote equality, challenge sexist behaviors and attitudes, and provide support for women's rights initiatives.

Yet, despite the many clear benefits of gender equality for all members of society as we will see below, many men remain reluctant to identify as feminists or actively support the movement. This reluctance raises a fundamental question: Why are so many men hesitant to embrace feminism? Understanding the roots of this hesitation is vital for fostering a more inclusive and supportive environment for the feminist cause as advocated for by The Female Network and so many other incredible organisations that actively fight for gender equality.

What Feminism Really Means

Feminism is fundamentally about equality—equality of the sexes in all spheres of life, including social, political, and economic domains. At its core, feminism seeks to dismantle the systemic barriers that perpetuate gender inequalities and to ensure that everyone, regardless of gender, has the opportunity to live a life free from discrimination and oppression. It is about advocating for the rights and opportunities of women while recognising that achieving true gender equality benefits society as a whole.

Despite this clear and inclusive goal, feminism is often misunderstood and mischaracterised. Several common misconceptions and stereotypes about feminism persist, which can deter people, especially men, from supporting the movement.

Misconception 1: Feminism is Anti-Men

One of the most pervasive myths is that feminism is about hating men. In fact, feminism is a movement against the patriarchy, not men. The patriarchy is the term used to refer to systems within our society that prevent women from being able to attain the same opportunities or achievements as most men. The patriarchy is also used to refer to societal standards and stigmas (often conceived or historically perpetuated by men) that harm or endanger women either exclusively, or to a greater extent than men. The patriarchy is also used to refer to the privileges most men get to enjoy by default of their gender, which is almost never extended to women or is only extended to women in rare circumstances. As we will see below, the patriarchy also significantly harms men in the extent to which it enforces damaging gender stereotypes.

Misconception 2: Feminism is Radical and Extreme

Another common stereotype is that feminists are radical extremists who want to overthrow the social order. While feminism does call for significant changes to the status quo, it is not about radicalism for its own sake. The movement seeks fair and just treatment for all genders, aiming for systemic change through advocacy, education, and policy reform. The portrayal of feminists as extremists often stems from a misunderstanding of the movement’s goals or from deliberate attempts to discredit it.

Misconception 3: Feminism is No Longer Necessary

Some believe that feminism is outdated and that gender equality has already been achieved. While significant progress has been made, gender disparities persist in many areas, such as the gender pay gap (which we are still 169 years away from closing), underrepresentation in leadership positions, and ongoing issues of sexual harassment and violence. Feminism remains crucial in addressing these and other inequalities that continue to affect women and marginalised groups.

The Psychology of Privilege and Fear of Change

The reluctance of many men to embrace feminism often stems from deeply rooted psychological factors. Understanding the impact of privilege and the fear of change is crucial in addressing this resistance and fostering greater support for gender equality.

Psychological Impact of Privilege

Privilege refers to the unearned advantages that individuals receive based on certain aspects of their identity, such as gender, race, or socioeconomic status. For men, especially those who align with traditional notions of masculinity, privilege can be both pervasive and invisible. This invisibility makes it difficult for privileged individuals to recognise their advantages, leading to a perception that equality efforts are unnecessary or unfair. As the very lovely James O'Brien once said on his LBC show: "when you're accustomed to privilege, equality can seem like oppression". This makes an awareness of this privilege and a challenging of it a vital facet of equality.

Challenging men's privilege can, however, evoke emotional responses that impede progress toward gender equality. One common reaction is defensiveness, particularly among men who may feel the need to protect their self-image and deny complicity in unjust systems. This defensiveness can be rooted in a fear of losing status, power, or opportunities associated with their privilege. Such fear, though often irrational, can be deeply ingrained, leading to resistance to societal change. Insecurity tends to be another prevalent emotional response. As society evolves and traditional gender roles are questioned, some men may struggle to find their identity and purpose. The redefinition of masculinity can evoke feelings of uncertainty and inadequacy, further fueling resistance to feminist ideals. Overcoming these barriers requires addressing the underlying psychological dimensions of privilege and fear of change. Encouraging empathy, promoting open dialogue, and redefining notions of masculinity are essential steps toward dismantling resistance and working toward a society where gender equality is embraced as a shared goal.

How The Patriarchy Harms Men

Traditional notions of masculinity are deeply ingrained in society and have a profound impact on men's attitudes toward feminism. These conventional views of masculinity emphasise traits such as strength, stoicism, dominance, and emotional restraint. While these qualities are not inherently negative, their rigid enforcement can create barriers to supporting feminist ideals.

A Washington Post article titled Why the Patriarchy is Killing Men by Liz Plank explores how patriarchal standards in society harm men from different angles, focusing on mental health and well being. She discusses this in the following: “... the life expectancy gap is what scientists literally call man-made diseases. These are cultural: men are more likely to smoke, abuse alcohol, engage in high-risk behavior, and have accidents at work. A report from the World Health Organisation points to three reasons men don’t live as long: the way men work (they endure greater “exposure to physical and chemical hazards”), their willingness to take risks (thanks to “male norms of risk-taking and adventure”) and their discomfort with doctors (they’re “less likely to visit a doctor when they are ill and, when they see a doctor, are less likely to report on the symptoms of disease or illness”).” Plank states how issues such as these are literally “man made diseases.” By attempting to reach the patriarchal standards within our society, men are destroying themselves in the process.

Plank then further discusses the issue of mental health by stating, “Men’s reluctance to care for themselves is especially perturbing when it comes to mental health. Unsurprisingly, the more a man associates with traditional and inflexible ideas about masculinity, the less likely he is to seek counseling. The stigma against therapy and mental health counseling often associated with masculinity has profound effects on men's well being, so much so that help, even when it can be life saving, is turned down.

These patriarchal attitudes place both men and women in molds that create pressure on one another. These pressures can have far-reaching consequences on our society as a whole. Patriarchal standards teach us how to view the opposite gender and often create false generalisations and invalidate many people’s experiences. Often, we can see this if we simply reverse stereotypical gender roles. A case in point would be the stay at home dad. If a man gives up work to take care of his kids while his wife goes out to work, he is often seen as lazy or a failure, rather than nurturing and caring. But on the flip side, when a woman decides to continue her career rather than pause for her family, she is often seen as selfish and uncaring.

When we flip the stereotypical gender roles that we have in society, we often expose an implicit bias as well as a double standard within ourselves. Most of us have grown up in a patriarchal society, whether we realise it or not, and have internalised patriarchal and often misogynistic views.

By giving up and deconstructing the patriarchy, we can have a more inclusive and equal society, which benefits us by not boxing us into a strict gender role that judges us based on how well we fit an image. We also are able to deconstruct stigmas against both men and women.

Besides the fact that men are also harmed by the patriarchal standards in our society, we should also understand how gender imbalances within our society also are incredibly damaging to us as a whole. In the article Gender equality is not a ‘women’s issue’—it’s good for men too by Julia Gillard, she discusses the same issue from the perspective of parenting. She states, “women gain from having flexible partners, too". A study of German couples found that having a partner who works flexibly boosted the wages of men and women, with the effect most pronounced for mothers. Conversely, women whose partners work very long hours are significantly more likely to quit the labour force—taking their talent and experience with them.” The study shows how on the issue of childcare, when both men and women were given greater flexibility on the job, it prevented spouses from leaving the workforce altogether. This, in turn, while might be a loss to the company initially, gives long term gains when both remain in the workforce.

The World Economic Forum has ranked Iceland No. 1 in gender equality for an entire decade. According to the common way of discussing that honour, the country must be a feminist utopia for women. What goes underreported is how great it is for men, too. In fact, Icelandic men enjoy the highest life expectancy in Europe. They live almost as long as women do. If the number of years spent on Earth is one of the strongest predictors of well-being, Icelandic men are doing pretty well. 

Is there some unique magic in the Reykjavik air that makes this possible? Not at all. Iceland offers a model that could be widely adopted elsewhere in the world. It helps show that changing men’s ideas about what it means to be a man, and lifting up women in the process, doesn’t make men worse off — it has far-reaching benefits to their lives.

The health advantages of feminism for men are not evident only in Iceland. In other countries with stronger gender equality, men also tend to fare better. According to research by Norwegian sociologist and men’s studies expert Oystein Gullvag Holter, there is a direct correlation between the state of gender equality in a country and male well-being, as measured by factors such as welfare, mental health, fertility and suicide. Men (and women) in more gender-equal countries in Europe are less likely to get divorced, be depressed or die as a result of violence. 

These findings undercut one of the favorite facts of men’s rights activists — that men die younger than women do. They use this data point to argue that feminism is unwarranted because women already live fuller (or at least longer) lives. But a world without feminism would exacerbate this problem, not solve it. Feminism is the antidote to shorter male life expectancy. Saying feminism causes men to decline is like saying firefighters cause fire. 

How Far Have We Really Come?

In assessing the trajectory of feminism, it becomes evident that progress has been made, but the journey towards true gender equality remains fraught with challenges. The recent political shifts, epitomised by the Trump administration and other right-wing parties around the world, have underscored the fragility of women's rights and the persistent resistance to feminist ideals. The overturning of landmark decisions like Roe v. Wade threatens to roll back hard-won reproductive rights, while the #MeToo movement has laid bare the pervasive nature of gender-based violence and discrimination.

These setbacks serve as stark reminders that the fight for gender equality is far from over. While strides have been made in raising awareness and mobilising action, systemic barriers and entrenched societal norms continue to impede progress. It is imperative to recognise that the gains achieved by feminism are not guaranteed and require ongoing vigilance and advocacy to protect and advance.

In this context, there is no room for ambivalence or indifference, especially among men. Men must recognise that gender equality is not a zero-sum game but rather a collective endeavor that benefits everyone. By embracing feminist principles and actively supporting women's rights, men contribute to creating a more just and equitable society for all.

Men's engagement in feminism is not just a moral imperative but also a practical necessity. Gender equality is essential for fostering inclusive workplaces, promoting economic prosperity, and nurturing healthier relationships and communities. In a world where gender disparities persist in various spheres, there can be no meaningful progress without the full participation and commitment of men.

As we reflect on how far feminism has come and how much further we have to go, it is clear that the journey requires the collective effort of all genders. By standing in solidarity with women, advocating for gender equality, and challenging patriarchal norms and structures, we can move closer towards realising the vision of a truly egalitarian society.